Days 1 through 5 with Bells Palsy... fun!

Sarcastic... bitter... a little bit. The last few days have been a roller coaster of emotions. I have only officially known I have Bells Palsy for two days. I'll start at the beginning.

Day 1: Saturday, July 12, 2008
My mother and I have a fun drive down to Ventura on a shopping spree and decide to have lunch at the local Mongolian BBQ. I can't control myself and I put huge scoops of spicy sauce and garlic into my pile of veggies and let the chef cook it up! When lunch was over my tongue was feeling a bit numb and I blamed it on the sauce and tried not to think about it.

Day 2:
Still with the numb tongue feeling and I think my tongue looks slightly coated on top. Odd, but I brush my teeth and tongue and try not to think about it. I've got Birdie Bagel Brunch to go to with my pets! I feel like I am slurping a my juice a bit at brunch and the fruit place that looks fantastic has very little flavor but who cares, I'm there for the birds.

Day 3:
Problem... tongue is still numb and I am annoyed at it. I really can't taste much after the first bite of anything but I do get a metallic taste every once in a while. By the afternoon I decide the right side of my face is not normal, a bit numb feeling though I have sensation when I touch my face. The eye isn't blinking well and my smile is lopsided. I also have no line from my nose to my mouth on the right side. Did I have a stroke?... I don't think so. But oh crap, what if this numbness thing continues and I lost the ability to swallow or breathe and choke/suffocate to death alone in a few hours?!? That was my scariest thought yet. I do a little more internet research and it does seem like Bells Palsy... or a small stroke, or the start of MS, or a tumor, great. But I can't worry about this now because I have to go weigh in at Weight Watchers and have dinner out with my mom. She is concerned but by the end of dinner she thinks I look a little better. Drinking is only possible in public now with a straw so I really don't think I am better but I try to be optimistic.

At home that evening I see that I have definitely gotten worse and I do some serious internet research. After finding two online diaries from 2000, and 2001 where the Bells has started with a numb tongue I am extremely confident and also quite upset that this is what I have. I look for youtube videos to try to find others with the condition... do they look like me? Holy crap, what mistake. It seems like only the 15-20% that don't get better in a year make the videos. Very, very depressing. Tread gingerly on youtube if you are out of kleenex or get hysterical easily.

Day 4: Official diagnosis!...eventually...
After all my internet research and a right eye that doesn't want to stay closed now I headed off to Longs Drugs to stock up on kleenex, serious dry eye drops - 2 bottles, paper medical tape to tape my eye shut at night, non stick gauze, and a deluxe adjustable sleep mask in case I can't get the eye taped well... $109.00. I'm cheap if it's not an iphone so this is really annoying me now.

By late afternoon I am suitably stressed enough to decide to go for medical attention. My mom drives... she is great. I was sent away from family doctor's office "You need to go to the emergency room!" To which I silently reply 'Bite me, I'm an uninsured googler and I can't pay for the MRI's, CT scans, etc. while the docs saunter around and decide I must have Bells Palsy'. But the only thing I can make myself say outloud is "Thanks" and it sounded a bit snide. I'm deformed now so I can get away with that tone.

The emergency clinic was much more friendly. Two forms and $115 bucks up front and I have a comfortable chair in the lounge, waiting to be called back to an exam room. Finally, I'm in! Blood pressure, pulse, squeeze my fingers, when did it start, the doctor will be in soon... It took this doctor less than a minute to talk to me and diagnosis Bells Palsy. I liked him immediately. He expects me to recover fully for some reason though the youtube videos are still burned in my mind and I am frightened. He also tells me I am an 8 on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst case. He says I have a "dense case of Bells Palsy." Not sure why he is still so optimistic about recovery but I cling to it like a 2 year old and a binky. The doctor took pity on my insurance status and prescribed generics for me. An anti-viral called Acyclovir to treat herpes simplex (UGH... do I really have that?!?) and Dexamethasone which he tells me a generic Prednisone and will work just as well. Having read up on the treatment I know that people recover equally well, or don't, with and without the prescriptions. But I did feel better having them. The doc tells me I need a neurologist appointment too but the clinic will call me tomorrow and set that up for later. Okey dokie! My mom and I go to dinner again which is just a fruit smoothie for me as I hide in the booth and wait for her to do the ordering at the counter. Later at home I realize if I try really hard I can make the right corner of my mouth move a tiny bit. That's got to be good!

Day 5: Not my favorite day...
I wake up and nothing is moving. Non-stick paper tape is a joke. It sticks... it sticks hard! I lost two eyelashes getting it off. If I do that every morning I am going to look like a freak! Oh, wait...

I scrutinize my 42 year old face... no wrinkles or tiny lines on the right side. It's amazing and I'm mesmerized. I try to give the tiny smile again but I've gotten worse. I can't move anything now on the right. Time for some morning kleenex. I make coffee (need the caffeine fix or I get a headache) but I have to wait and drink it luke warm. More dribble and wiping than flavor and this breaks my heart. I love my hot coffee in the morning. I did read in the two online diaries that this condition can get worse for several days so while I am disappointed at least I knew this was a possibility.

Mom comes to get me and we go to the beach with iced teas to relax and chat. I think we are trying to pretend everything is okay. I am actually tired and walking is harder than it should be. I find that odd.

Back home I slump in a big chair and watch TV and rest. But I am interrupted with an eye ache, a head ache, and a definitely feeling that my right eye is closing and changing shape. Sure enough, the outer edge of the eye wants to close and the side near my nose wants to stay open. It hurts and it's getting worse as I watch. So scary but crying is out of the question because it creates an ice pick in the eye style pain.

I shower and damn near die. Being a good Southern California resident I have a water-saving shower head that kind of spits out water but mostly makes a big mist. Shampoo gets in my eye and it burns! What am I seven? I haven't felt this kind of pain in ages. As I try to sooth my eyeball and get the shampoo out I decide I need Johnson's Baby Shampoo no more tears formula. Then I go for the conditioner. Bloody hell! That stings too. Now I decide I need a new shower head, the mist is a horror movie.

I am a yo-yo raw foodist and I decide to get back on the raw food wagon. Those devotees talk about raw food fixing everything and part of my plan now is to put it to the ultimate test. I make my killer raw chili, adding seasonings to taste, and then I realize I can't taste. I take a sample up to my parents house (we live very close) to see what my mom thinks and just have some company. My daughter's visiting African Grey bird is hissing at me and I need some friendly interaction with someone less judgmental of my freakish face.

Up at the house my eye does the "I want to close and cause you pain" routine again from earlier in the day. My mom see this and volunteers to pick me up every afternoon and take me to the post office so I can drop off my internet orders. Luckily I work at home and don't have to brave an office full of people talking to me and staring at me. Too much people interaction would definitely make this worse for me.

I tell my shower story to my mom and we are off in the car to Bed Bath and Beyond for a big drippy shower head! Nice!

Later in the evening two pieces of eye tape with tape covering the sticky that would touch the eyelashes. I'm getting this part down.